The Genesis of HaHaMen Part 4: Dave's Back in Illinois

This is the fourth installment of my story, my testimony, about what God has done in my life, and how that led up to the creation of hahahAMEN, now HaHaMen. I'll pick up where I left off from last week

As I thought and prayed about where and how to pursue my love, passion, and gifts for the stage, I saw that there was not much around me in Beckley, WV, to allow me that outlet. There are a few theater opportunities, but my heart was leading me elsewhere. God had been working a plant to get me out of West Virginia. He sent a gang of kids to bust my driver’s window on two occasions in two different parking lots in Beckley. He let me see how wrestling had served its purpose, but my time in the ring was waning. It became clearer and clearer that leaving Beckley was the only option.

But, how? Where? As I prayed, spent time in the Word, and sought answers from Rick Warren’s book, I thought of the two most likely options. First, I could stay somewhat in the area and move 2 hours east to Roanoke, VA, where my Mom lived, and take her second bedroom. I could get more involved in Boogie’s Wrestling Camp, where I trained to wrestle 6 years prior at the camp run by wrestling legend Jimmy “Boogie Woogie Man” Valiant. I would probably wrestle a few dates here and there. Plus, there were a few theater opportunities in Roanoke.

Or, I could go back to Chicago and pursue improv in the US Capital of Improv. Chicago would be a tougher move financially, logistically, and about everything else you could think of. Not to mention, where would I stay? Lacey, my sister, was in Lombard at National University of Health Sciences, but she was staying in a one bedroom apartment. It would not be fair to ask if I could. If she said no, then she’s left feeling like a jerk and I might have been a little displeased with the answer. If she says yes, but really didn’t want to, that could breed some issues later. So, when Chicago felt like a good option, I left it in God’s hands. Then, one night over Facebook messenger, Lacey made the offer I was waiting for. I made sure she was sure, because it would be a hard transition. Though, in 2009-2010, we had made it work.

In 2008, I made my first trip back to Chicago in an attempt to start over up here in the land of my birth. I had taken a job as a House Parent/Family Teacher at a children’s home and school facility near Aurora. I was still hurting from the divorce, though I hid it well. Mostly. Living with up to 10 teens from at-risk situations, I did my best, at the time, to care for and guide these kids. There were times, more often than reasonable, that I felt like there was something wrong with the structure of what we were tasked with doing.

And when I felt there was no reasonably safe outlet to voice said concerns in a constructive, productive manner, I did what any hurting, broken, and stuck in bondage person would do-I took to the internet to rant and rave. I named names, I spoke the truth as I saw it, I publicly, but anonymously, aired dirty laundry for the world to see. Though I am not, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be, a Pimp, the fact that I used the phrase “Pimp Slap” in my diatribe was grounds for my dismissal per the bullying policy. Virtually broke, no job, and now no home, I had to either tuck tail and go back to Virginia with Mom and Dad, again, or crash with Lacey.

Lacey invited me to stay to try to make Chicago work for me. I stayed with her in her studio in Lombard for a few months. During this time, I was also involved in my first real relationship since my marriage ended. It was a really great relationship and helped me to find some confidence in myself as a man. However, because I was not right with the Lord and was very lost and still fighting depression, I became un-supportive and selfish. She wanted to move to Florida to pursue her career in teaching. The thought is I would have moved with. I was selfish and said I would not go. We broke up. I am truly grateful to God that she did not let my selfishness stop her from moving and pursuing her dreams of teaching. We remain friends to this day, and I genuinely love her family and am glad that we can still be friends. It’s so disappointing to think that my depression, selfishness, and poor mindset could have interfered with so many other people’s lives.

While living off of my vacation days payout, I attended a level A improv class at Second City, training under the tutelage of the legendary Brian Posen. Brian’s class helped be incredibly. It set so many foundations for my improv today, and it even made me a much better wrestler when I wound up back in Virginia. I couldn’t afford it. But, I forced it to work. Taking the Metra to Chicago each week, buying meals at McDonald’s praying to find a Boardwalk to end my financial woes, waiting and hoping for work, and fighting depression and the suicidal thoughts.

While living with Lacey, there were many a night I wandered the campus at National University in tears, crying out to God, asking for money, asking for help, asking for direction. When I got fired from the children’s facility, God gave me a peace and I did not act out in any way. I packed my life into my truck, moved in with Lacey, and was okay. Then, job interviews came and went. The money started running out. The future was bleak. The peace wore out because I did not know how to treat God as Father, but more or less as a magic genie who could grant me a wish and make life easy, if only he cared enough.

I finally got a job as a suburban taxi driver. I made just enough to eat, to take the train to Chicago each week for improv class, and to keep gas in my taxi. As my stress and fear really overtook me, I let those feelings drive a wedge between myself and the young lady I was dating. I had no real direction. Improv was my new addiction…where wrestling lost its potency in getting me through, improv was the new drug. And, I was good at it. I was a better improviser than I ever could be a wrestler.

After the turn of the year into 2010, my Dad’s health really started taking a nose-dive. Mom was unsure how she could take care of him while working full-time. Given my situation, with no real job, no real plan, it was clear that I needed to come back to Virginia. The timing was not certain, but I thought, in my southern-raised naivete, that honesty would be the best policy. I told the taxi company that I don’t know when, but I may have to leave to move to Virginia, but that I would tell them when I knew something. A week later, they took my cab, took another week’s lease claiming I quit without notice, and left me broke and jobless. It was time to go home.

My tax returns came just in time for me to move at the end of February. So, at the end of February 2010, I moved back to Virginia. I was not in good shape physically, mentally, and certainly not spiritually.

Over the next 4 months, I found an overnight position at an answering service. This overnight position is the one I mentioned previously, from which I was driving in in sheer exhaustion and came to the curve, thinking I could drive off that cliff and let people think I fell asleep and no one would know it was suicide. During this time, my Dad and I butt heads, we fought, and I did not know how to love him through his sicknesses and how to show him grace through his lashing out of his pain, frustration, and, no doubt, fear. Not being a better, more gracious, more loving son is going to always be one of my greatest regrets.

Dad passed away in June 2010. The first person to call me was my ex who now lived in Florida teaching. Inside, not only did I appreciate her call, I believed that it was a sign that I was being given a second chance to get things right.

So, four months after Dad’s passing, I took a job in central Florida to be a house parent at a golf academy, and to pursue her. That big of a leap actually had a negative effect on her, so there was no relationship to pursue. Nine months later, it was determined that I was not a good fit with the affluent athletes, so I was sent on my merry way. Had there been a serious relational re-connection with my ex, I would have stayed. However, again, it was time to pack it up and go home. We’ve covered how that time was spent. Wrestling replaced improv as my drug of choice. Sometimes, the wrestling high got me through, sometimes I was ready to check out. Then, God’s war for my heart, mind, and soul started to turn. God started to win, because I was willing to let Him. The war was finally getting towards victory in 2013, when I was seeking my purpose, and waited for God to show me where I need to go when I got in my truck to move out of Beckley, WV.

Then, and I verified this through Facebook Messenger, at 10:36PM on 1/29/2013, Lacey made the offer that changed the course of my life. She offered to open her apartment and let me start over in Lombard, back in the dorms at National University. Over the course of the next 8 weeks, I quit WJLS radio, left wrestling behind, spent two weeks in Roanoke with my Mom, then loaded up the truck to drive to Lombard, IL.

New relationship with the Lord. No idea how to support myself. No idea what steps I need to take once I got to Illinois. Just trusting, with the faith of a child, that God wanted me to move. He made it clear I needed to move. He opened a door through my sister. So, on March 27, 2013, I spent my first night back in Illinois.

Next week, I will continue with more of my story. My story will lead right into the Genesis of HaHaMen. Thank you for reading. If you have any comments, or any of what I have written has touched you, please let me know at LOL4God@HaHaMen.org.

God bless!

-Dave #suicide #depression #Jesus #Illinois #improv #LeapofFaith